Do you ever catch yourself indulging in black and white thinking? Have you sometimes fallen into the trap of binary logic? What kind of life does one have if everything is a zero-sum game?

You often hear people saying things like “I love this!” or “I hate that!” Statements like that leave little room for nuance. (Love, however, in the context of nourishing relationships, does seem to have the capacity for unlimited expansion.)

No, I’m talking about the strident attitudes some folks exhibit towards mundane tasks like cooking, cleaning, or washing dishes. The day-to-day stuff that’s part and parcel to simply living your life.

It’s one thing to detest doing laundry, it’s another to walk around in filthy clothes. Cooking may feel like a chore to some, but can one live on nothing but take-out or frozen microwaved dinners? Have dirty dishes ever washed themselves?

In all things, there’s a balance. We veer between extremes at our peril. But as Nobel Prize winner Elie Wiesel famously said, “The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference.”

When it comes to something like doing the dishes, hate is far too strong of a word. Dislike, or detest maybe, but hate? That’s going too far. In my case, I can’t abide a sink full of dirty dishes, so cleanup time is simply accepted as part of the ritual of eating. Acceptance allows for much more nuance, and besides, sometimes these tasks can be quite pleasant!

There’s a certain bachelor in my family constellation who has found a different solution. Living alone and looking at meal prep and cleanup as a tedious chore to be avoided, he’s employed the services of a helper who handles all his cooking, cleaning, and shopping. He’s found a way to reach equilibrium, and I’m happy that it’s working out for him.

We were recently questioned as to why we don’t have a working dishwasher in our kitchen. Our answer is that it’s never occurred to us that we needed one. We cook together, we eat together, we wash and dry the dishes together, and we wipe down the counters together. It’s simply part of the dance of daily living that falls beyond the realm of ‘like’ or ‘dislike’, it simply ‘is’.

If you find yourself or someone close to you defaulting to a rigid and inflexible stance about something unavoidable or mundane, ask not what’s the opposite, but rather, where’s the balance? Somewhere in the grey area between black and white you’re likely to find the fertile ground of acceptance and nuance.

Making the most of each daily moment means going with the flow and hanging in the balance. Don’t capsize your boat by swinging at the extremes!

Much love till next Monday!

M+

Mark Metz
Director of the Dance First Association
Publisher of Conscious Dancer Magazine