Do you ever feel like you need to put yourself on the spot? Why is it that being out of your comfort zone once in a while is actually a good thing? What’s your method of gaining trust and respect from other people?

There’s something special about those moments when you’re unguarded and reveal yourself to another person in such a way that whatever facade you may normally carry is cast aside.

What’s really important to people is privacy. I’m not talking about stuff like the fact that how when you use most social media apps your every habit, like, or dislike becomes fodder for the artificial intelligence of advertising algorithms to target you.

No, privacy in the sense of an ancient human survival mode that allows us to keep what’s going on in our head and between our ears to ourselves and the ability to reveal just as much (or as little) as we deem necessary to others we interact with.

But sometimes you find yourself in a situation that has you fully exposed, and whatever familiar tricks you have up your sleeve are no longer available and you find yourself grasping at straws.

That’s when people really get to know you. The rose colored glasses come off, the veneer is lifted, and the real you is revealed. And while it may seem risky, dangerous, or outright crazy to allow such an opening, one could also say that in such moments of vulnerability comes great power.

To be vulnerable is to give yourself up to whatever may happen. To allow the social constructs of hierarchies, pecking orders, and class distinctions to land where they may. When you have the courage to just be yourself and be real in times like that, you exert a force that can’t be denied.

It’s like when you peel away everything there’s nothing left to get under. You remove any possible leverage points and operate in a field of transparency. It leaves one who would oppose or oppress you with no firm ground to stand on. That’s why vulnerability    can be the secret sauce of both leadership and relationships.

Vulnerability is a touchy subject. Ask yourself how many different times in your own day-to-day life you allow yourself to be vulnerable in the presence of others. And why is it so disarming, (cute, even), when you’re in the presence of someone who is being willingly vulnerable?

Want to practice? Are you ready to learn how? Would you like to know one of the easiest, safest, and sure-fire ways to build your vulnerability muscles?

Learn a foreign language. Try speaking it to a native speaker. Use your fledgling skills to order food, ask for directions, to actually communicate in a neighborhood or country where it is spoken.

I guarantee you, as soon as you start trying to get by with your mangled language skills, you’re going to have to stop taking yourself seriously and be vulnerable. It might be frustrating, but it’s one situation where you’ve gotta lighten up and go with the flow.

What happens when you try to communicate with a native speaker in their own tongue? Well, you have to drop your guard, abandon your pretense, and be humble. That’s why some of the most important    phrases to know first in any language are lines like “Thanks for you patience!” “Slower, please, can you repeat that?” or “Pardon me, I’m still learning your language!”

Giving in to your frustration won’t help. Showing any irritation or rudeness will surely backfire. Your only hope is to smile, open up, and do your best to connect on their terms.

What you’ll find is that foreign-language-speaking folks will almost always mirror your attitude back to you, which turns out to be a great barometer of self-awareness.

My darling Isabelle is French and speaks very good English, having lived in The States for about 20 years. We’re heading to France next month for the first time in two years (thanks to covid) so I’ve been doing my daily lessons on the Duolingo app.

Hopefully I’ll be able to speak a few words of French to her family members and not be totally helpless when we’re out and about. I’m looking forward to being out of my comfort zone and hope that my non-verbal communication goes a long way!

Much love till next Monday,
M+

Mark Metz
Director of the Dance First Association
Publisher of Conscious Dancer Magazine