Do you consider yourself a helpful person? How often do you get asked for assistance? Why is it sometimes harder to help yourself than other people?

It’s a basic part of the human condition to find yourself on either side of the equation. Sometimes you’re the one trying to figure something out or accomplish a task, other times your role is to assist or share your knowledge. We give and receive help from the cradle to the grave.

So it seems like it would make good sense to understand the dynamic and be as effective as possible, regardless of which side you happen to be on at any given moment.

When someone asks you for help, it’s all too easy to simply jump in with your assistance at the same level as their request. But here’s the thing, if you pause and step back and do a little inquiry with them first you’ll get much better results.

What I mean by this is to start by going one level up from their question. For example, they come at you “how“, mirror it back to them first at the level of “what”.  Ergo: “How do I use this tool?” “Well, what do are you intending to do with it?“

The question “How do I improve my relationships?“ could elicit very different approaches. Is the person is hoping to get closer to their romantic partner? Are they dealing with a difficult boss at their job? Perhaps it’s their family dynamic that is in need of repair.

“What part of your life are you trying to improve?” would be a question that takes it one level up. In that framework, ‘what’ could be considered one level up from ‘how’.

Now take that idea and apply it to yourself. What you are doing at any given moment is bound to be important to you. So take a step back and pause in a state of inquiry for a moment.

What you are trying to accomplish? What’s the obstacle that keeps getting in your way? What are your biggest goals and ambitions?

Take it up a level by asking why.

When it comes to changing for the better, understanding yourself is key. When it comes to understanding yourself, your why is always going to be more important than your what.

Down that line of inquiry, you might find yourself comfortable with stopping at “Why bother?“ On the other hand, maybe your soul says to go for it and you land on “Why not?“

If asking yourself ‘why’ leads you to a better understanding of your deepest longings and your highest good, chances are you’re on the right track.

Here’s to up-leveling your week ahead! Much love till next Monday!

Merci et à bientôt!

M+

ML #624

Mark Metz
Monday Love
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